New Years Resolution #1- Blog
I started this new blog while Jake was in the hospital last October. I never shared it. I am always so hesitant about that. Sharing my life is something I don't think most would care to read. Its my life! Come on, often I'm not that amused by it, why would someone else be? Isn't my life just like yours? What I've found this past year, is actually it's not. We all have our own paths we have taken in life. We all have a different story to share. So I can't help but wonder, why is mine any different than yours? Many of my friends from high school are married, kids, some divorced, working, raising babies and living life. Let me say, I know one other person, who like me, is widowed. So, that in itself is different. A different that no one understands or wants to understand, yet is intrigued to understand. I think the intriguing thing about that part of my life is what happens after your spouse dies? It's a place we never want our minds to go to. Why would we want to think about that? But I was forced to face it because my husband died. (Saying that still makes me sick). When you lose your spouse, you have a choice. Curl up and stop living, or live. There were many, many days I curled up, but in the end I chose to live. Some days I don't want to, but most days I do. Those days of not wanting to live are fewer and further apart as life goes on. This is for a later blog.
Why else is my life not so normal? This last year has been one of insane challenges with our son Jake. I have a son with a chronic illness. I have a son with a chronic illness. I have a son with a chronic illness. Yes, I just said that 3 times. It has taken me almost 4 years to accept this. Sometimes I still don't want to believe it. This last year, we spent our longest trip in the hospital, a full 2 weeks. The reason we got to leave was because this mama put her foot down and stated that we wanted to treat it all at home. I had an exhausted and very angry 3 year old who was very over each and every nurse and doctor and a mama who just wanted to be home. I have a son with a chronic illness. This means I constantly live on edge. Will he take a fall today and send us to the ER tonight? Will he have a bleed? Will he spike a fever? These questions and hundreds more are never far from the front of my brain. Exhausting is to the say the least.
So, with these challenges, I have started two blogs, linked above. I have gotten thru these challenges by reading others blogs, I am hoping my blog will do the same. Give others HOPE. Also, it gives my kids something to read some day. It gives me something to read. I not only have widowed brain, which Im still not sure when it goes away, but I also have prego brain. Yes prego brain, for those of you that don't know. So, my brain lacks space to remember much. What I love about blogging is I can look back and say, oh yes! That happened.
So, read on, live on and love on. Life goes on. We must choose to live it. 2014 Resolution #1, complete. Now off to read a book….
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