I have blogged over the past several years. I started blogging back in 2010 when I was pregnant with Jake. I blogged about my pregnancy and the journey we were embarking on having a child with a chronic illness. I blogged about his hospitalizations and his ups and downs. I blogged about his KT Syndrome and shared it with the world, although I figured no one read it. I found 2 main reasons I blogged about Jake. Number 1 was it kept all of our family, those that wanted to know what was happening, on the same page. I didn't have the energy or time to talk to everyone and I didn't want information to become misconstrued between people playing telephone. The second reason I blogged about Jake, and my main reason, was because so much was happening, I needed to get all the information down onto "paper" before I forgot what was happening. We were seeing so many doctors and being told so many things, I wanted to make sure I had it right while it was fresh in my brain. I would refer back to hospitalizations and such to remember everything that had gone on. So, hence the blog on Jake.
Now that I take a look back on that blog, it was dated May 6, 2011. This was 21 days before Jakes 1st birthday. It would also be 1 month and 1 day to the day that I lost Steven. Hence the reason for my second blog about my widowed journey. Talk about having the ax thrown at you. I used this blog as an outlet. I knew people wanted to know how I was doing and I didnt want to have to explain myself to them. Im not a phone talker and Im not one to ask for help. My blog after widowhood was my outlet of my pain, confusion, loss and mostly anger. It gave an insight to people that I know they wanted. I mean really, how many people personally know a 28 year old widow. Not many. Its a world no one understands, few try to understand, yet can be so intriguing.
So, here I am today. It has been over a year since I have blogged regularly. I have added some things to my widowed blog, but not much. Life goes on. Things get busy and I began to find my new normal. Normal. What is that? Your "normal" is far different from your neighbors "normal" and my "normal" is off the charts. I need to blog. I need an outlet. I will give this a try. I don't expect anyone to read it. If anything I am doing it for myself. To keep myself sane. Keep my thoughts together and on "paper" rather than swirling in my brain, although Im sure they still will.
So, heres to the first post. My New Normal?
