You may think I'm crazy...

Last weekend, we drove 2 1/2 hours north to pick up the newest addition to our family. Welcome home Kona the Golden. This bundle of fur, also known as a Golden Retriever, has joined our tribe, as my husband put it. When we told our family and friends of our newest addition, the response from most people was, "What are you thinking?" I laugh it off because, don't get me wrong, this same question has crossed my mind more than once. What am I thinking??? 3 little boys, a 9 year old dog, a cat that brings live birds in our house, 2 chickens, a fish that does swim, a new puppy and a partridge in a pear tree. Sounds about right. This is my life and I love it.

My life has become something I never imagined. Pure chaos. Its messy, its unorganized and its crazy. I look around my home and its messy. Its not dirty, its just lived in. Basket overflowing with shoes by the front door, mail and paperwork piled up on the desk, wet shoe prints on the kitchen floor. Its lived in. There is a "me" before 2011 and a "me" after 2011.

Since Steven passed, there is a new me. Sometimes I wish Steven would have known the me now. Before he passed, I was uptight, easily annoyed, wanted things done a certain way, my way. I wanted to feel in control of my life. I had an idea of how I wanted things to be and when they weren't that way, I was annoyed. I cared too much about what other people thought, even though I would have never admitted that. The me since 2011, doesn't really care what other people think. I enjoy my little world with my little chaotic family and I like it that way. I don't need a ton of friends, I have those friends who have stuck by me, and I don't need to show off what I have and can do. I just don't care. I care about those in my home, my little family. I care about my close family and friends. The rest of the entire world, I just don't care. Sometimes I worry that maybe I just don't care enough what you think.

Don't get me wrong, I am not narcissistic. I care about the planet and do my part to recycle, be friendly and helpful to others. But I don't care what you may think about what I do in my life. So, we have a puppy. Am I taking on too much? Its nothing I cant handle. Believe me. I don't care if he pees on the floor, I'll clean it up. I don't care if he chews up my favorite shoes, I can get another pair. After Steven died, I had a choice. I could curl up and die along with him, or I could do what he'd want me to do. I could do what he no longer couldn't. I could live. I chose to LIVE. Living is what I am doing. Some days I go through the day without accomplishing much. But I am living. I am attempting to take in each and every moment with  my kids while they are little. Even when they are throwing tantrums and I'm really do throw in the towel.

I will Live. Taking on more is nothing I can't handle. Live it, love it and enjoy it while you can.